It’s easy, really. Won’t take much effort at all. Start early. Stay consistent.  Before you know it, they’ll be well on their way to “brathood” by the time they enter school.  If you’re lucky, when they reach middle school age, they’ll be well entrenched. Here’s how you do it.

Make excuses for them. All the time, on as many occasions as possible. Misbehavior? It must have been the other kids! Bad grades? That’s an easy one; there’s a personality conflict with the teacher. Didn’t make the Pop Warner football team? The coach picked favorites! On and on, just make sure that you deflect everything so they’re not responsible.

Give in to whining, crying, complaining and temper tantrums.  Whenever things don’t go their way, immediately attempt to quiet or appease them.  Give them a treat or whatever it is they’re griping about.  If you try saying no at first that will only make them howl and complain more.  Be sure to give in to them when it reaches this point. That will help to teach them that they’ll always get what they want, it’s just that sometimes they’ll have to pout and badger a bit more until they bother you enough so that you’ll give in.  Just remember, it’s always easier to give in.  They’re stronger and more persistent than you are.

Discipline sporadically, inconsistently and with anger. Make accusations and threaten consequences that you’ll never follow through on.  Make punishments that are severe, but lack follow through.  If you use “grounding” as a strategy make it harsh and long term.  Then in a few days or so forget about the grounding.  Allow them to be back on the phone to friends and watching T.V. again.  What the heck, grounding is harder on you then it is on them anyway.  This serves two purposes in creating your novice brat.  First, it shows that your authority and control are lacking.  Secondly, it proves that your word means little.

Role model poor behavior, insensitivity, and selfishness.  Make fun of people for being old, slow, less able and less gifted.  Bully people; especially people in the service industry like waitresses, secretaries and those checking you out at the grocery store.  Talk down to everyone from fast food servers, to delivery people, to telephone operators.  Demonstrate that you often feel smarter, quicker and wittier than the average person.  Get angry with people occasionally and show your power by yelling.  Especially yell loudly and long at umpires and referees while your kids are playing sports.  Your sons and daughters will notice. They’ll watch and follow in your footsteps.

Help them with everything. When their shoes are untied, tie them.  (It’s quicker.) When they fall down while skiing, pick them up. (They’re little and they’re just learning.)  When they have to write a difficult report or paper for school, write most of it for them. (They’ll learn by example.)  Talk to the coach and get them on the team.  (They didn’t really display their talents in the tryouts.) Never let them taste failure.  Ever.  For anything.  Failure might make them sad or moody and hurt their self-esteem and you certainly wouldn’t want that.

Give them every new toy, electronic video game, fashion clothing, hairstyle, CD, and cell phone they want.  Never wait a reasonable length of time when they request something new and don’t make them earn any portion of the cost of items they desire.  If something breaks make sure you go out and quickly purchase a new one and if anything becomes outmoded or a little older or slower, be certain to rush out and get the newest, best, and preferably more expensive version.  That way they can show it off to their friends.  It’s status, after all.

When making dinner make sure that everyone’s happy and gets to eat exactly what they want. If Kristen doesn’t want chicken, but that’s what the family’s having tonight, make sure to prepare some pasta or a hamburger just for her to that she’ll be happy.  Make only what they want for school lunch, regardless of nutrition.  Make sure they have some extra money so they can buy some of the wide variety of junk food that most school cafeterias sell.  With regard to dinner never make anyone sit down at the table together and have a conversation while eating.  Encourage them to take their dinners elsewhere and eat while they’re doing something else.  The can play X-Box, read magazines or even do homework.  Better yet, turn on the television and let them watch T.V. instead of talk.

Allow them to interrupt adults at any time. If you’re talking on a phone, speaking with someone at a store or even having a conversation with your spouse or a neighbor out on the lawn allow him or her to butt in any time they like.  After all, they’re children and their needs should be placed above everyone else’s.

Be a buddy to your child, a pal, an equal.  Dress alike and try to do the things they do.  Grab a second chance at childhood and treat your child as if they have the same emotions, responsibilities and rights that you do.  Have them be your confidant and tell them all the stories and anecdotes that you’d share with an adult.  Blur the boundaries between adult and child and you’ll always feel closer to them.

Sounds ridiculous? Of course it is. You could do the exact opposite of all these suggestions and find that you’re raising a polite, considerate, self-reliant and competent youngster. But look carefully and you might see a few parenting techniques that you do use at times. Watch out.  Here comes the brat.